Post by Baronet Beans on Jun 13, 2015 16:53:52 GMT
Hello Goldenvale,
I know this will be recieved with criticism, trolling, and many other more then deserving negitive feedback. But I need to get it out there to all of you. And please note, it is true and honest to how I feel right now. I've had a lot of growing up and maturing over the past few years, and have some things to say to all of you.
For years, I called Goldenvale my home. I called all of you my family, my friends, mentors, and more. And after some soul searching, reminiscing, and the like, I realized I was never anything more then a nuicance. I'm not looking for pity, or anything like that. I am writing this as an appology.
I realize now that I never cared for anything beyond my own fun. I never put the kingdom first, nor took any of your feelings into concideration while I was an active member. My amtgard life consisted of chasing titles, belts and more, with not thought of what those tiltles meant. That is not what the game should be, and for that I am sorry.
Many of you, dedicated time, energy, money, and more, into what you saw I "could" become. But I never did. I never cared to. I took your kindness for granted. And for that, I'm sorry.
Specific people I'd like to appologize to would be, Sue, who never asked for me in her life, took me in her home when my house burnt down, dealt with all the drama I brought into her life, and all I ever did, was push her buttons, insult her, and hurt her. For that Sue, I'm sorry.
Dan. I feel that belting me sullied the great name of Ser Blackhawk. You put years into molding me into a proper amtgarder, trying day and night to teach me humility, honor, and to make Amtgard a great place for everyone, and I took you for granted every step of the way. I listened to your advice, and did the opposite. But you never gave up on me. I didn't desrve your kindness. For that, I am sorry.
Bowen, Essilia, You guys were so kind to me. Always there as friends when I fucked up, were there to pick me up when I fell, slapped me when I needed to be slapped, and I took you for granted every step of the way. And for that, I am sorry.
Fredrick. I was a child. I loved pissing you off and I crossed the line 100% of the time. Only now, looking back, do I realize, you are the reason LARPs still exist. You are the person who keeps the fantasy alive. You are the heart and soul of this game. And I treated you like shit, every weekend. And for that, I am sorry.
John, Nick, Alex, pretty much all of Omega, I almost don't want to write this, but I am sorry. Every time you ever treated me bad, I deserved it. I was a scummy person, a scummy co-worker, and just loved trying to piss you off. You didn't deserve the way I acted. I did. For that I am sorry.
There are dozens more, inside, and outside of Kingdom proper who I have hurt, annoyed, Lied to, sexually harrased, or drained fun from the game for, to all of you, I am so very sorry.
To all the people who never gave up on me, thank you. You are truly patient people, and I'm sorry if I let you down. I see now what I should have been, I see now the difference I could have made in the game, I see so clearly now. And to all of you I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Tuesday I took part in Fighter Practice with Tomahome, and had fun. I miss this game more then I ever though I would, but my career choice makes it so I cannot make it out to fields most weeks. Yet, I long to make up for 10 years of mistakes some how. I don't know what I can do from behind a keyboard. I don't know what I can do, 4-5 times a year when I can make it out. But if anyone knows anything, Tell me. You all deserve restitution for a decade of Beans.
I don't really know what I'm trying to accomplish with all of this honestly, I just needed to get it out. Thank you for reading it, and i will lower my shield, and take any flames that come with it. If you accept my appology, thank you. I promise, if I ever make it back to active status, my name will be synonomus with fun. I will make the game what I always wanted it to be, for all of you, to the best of my ability. If you don't accept my appology, I don't blame you. I don't deserve it. But I am not the boy I was back then. I strive to prove that to you, someday. Thank you all for 10+ amazing years. And once more, to anyone reading. I am sorry. For everything.
Matthew DiClemente
Baronet Beans
I know this will be recieved with criticism, trolling, and many other more then deserving negitive feedback. But I need to get it out there to all of you. And please note, it is true and honest to how I feel right now. I've had a lot of growing up and maturing over the past few years, and have some things to say to all of you.
For years, I called Goldenvale my home. I called all of you my family, my friends, mentors, and more. And after some soul searching, reminiscing, and the like, I realized I was never anything more then a nuicance. I'm not looking for pity, or anything like that. I am writing this as an appology.
I realize now that I never cared for anything beyond my own fun. I never put the kingdom first, nor took any of your feelings into concideration while I was an active member. My amtgard life consisted of chasing titles, belts and more, with not thought of what those tiltles meant. That is not what the game should be, and for that I am sorry.
Many of you, dedicated time, energy, money, and more, into what you saw I "could" become. But I never did. I never cared to. I took your kindness for granted. And for that, I'm sorry.
Specific people I'd like to appologize to would be, Sue, who never asked for me in her life, took me in her home when my house burnt down, dealt with all the drama I brought into her life, and all I ever did, was push her buttons, insult her, and hurt her. For that Sue, I'm sorry.
Dan. I feel that belting me sullied the great name of Ser Blackhawk. You put years into molding me into a proper amtgarder, trying day and night to teach me humility, honor, and to make Amtgard a great place for everyone, and I took you for granted every step of the way. I listened to your advice, and did the opposite. But you never gave up on me. I didn't desrve your kindness. For that, I am sorry.
Bowen, Essilia, You guys were so kind to me. Always there as friends when I fucked up, were there to pick me up when I fell, slapped me when I needed to be slapped, and I took you for granted every step of the way. And for that, I am sorry.
Fredrick. I was a child. I loved pissing you off and I crossed the line 100% of the time. Only now, looking back, do I realize, you are the reason LARPs still exist. You are the person who keeps the fantasy alive. You are the heart and soul of this game. And I treated you like shit, every weekend. And for that, I am sorry.
John, Nick, Alex, pretty much all of Omega, I almost don't want to write this, but I am sorry. Every time you ever treated me bad, I deserved it. I was a scummy person, a scummy co-worker, and just loved trying to piss you off. You didn't deserve the way I acted. I did. For that I am sorry.
There are dozens more, inside, and outside of Kingdom proper who I have hurt, annoyed, Lied to, sexually harrased, or drained fun from the game for, to all of you, I am so very sorry.
To all the people who never gave up on me, thank you. You are truly patient people, and I'm sorry if I let you down. I see now what I should have been, I see now the difference I could have made in the game, I see so clearly now. And to all of you I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Tuesday I took part in Fighter Practice with Tomahome, and had fun. I miss this game more then I ever though I would, but my career choice makes it so I cannot make it out to fields most weeks. Yet, I long to make up for 10 years of mistakes some how. I don't know what I can do from behind a keyboard. I don't know what I can do, 4-5 times a year when I can make it out. But if anyone knows anything, Tell me. You all deserve restitution for a decade of Beans.
I don't really know what I'm trying to accomplish with all of this honestly, I just needed to get it out. Thank you for reading it, and i will lower my shield, and take any flames that come with it. If you accept my appology, thank you. I promise, if I ever make it back to active status, my name will be synonomus with fun. I will make the game what I always wanted it to be, for all of you, to the best of my ability. If you don't accept my appology, I don't blame you. I don't deserve it. But I am not the boy I was back then. I strive to prove that to you, someday. Thank you all for 10+ amazing years. And once more, to anyone reading. I am sorry. For everything.
Matthew DiClemente
Baronet Beans